About Bob...

Wife is sitting all alone in the kitchen, mad as hell, pacing the floor, trying to keep dinner warm. Hubby was supposed to be back from golfing hours ago, and he hasn't shown up or even called. Finally, Hubby drags himself through the door, rumpled, dirty and totally exhausted. Wife takes one look at him and forgets all about dinner.

Wife: "What's happened? Are you OK?

Hubby: "I am, but it's been one hell of a day. On the third hole, a freak storm blew up. Lightning came out of nowhere and ... well, it hit Bob. He's dead.

Wife, horrified: "Oh no! That must have been horrible!"

Hubby: "It was. All day long, it was hit the ball, drag Bob ... hit the ball, drag Bob ... "

The Hindenburg Omen

As if we weren't clutching our bucks to our breasts tightly enough these days, along comes Mark Hulbert at MarketWatch with this little gem:

Watch Out for the Hindenburg Omen
ANNANDALE, Va. (MarketWatch) -- According to a little-known technical indicator known as the Hindenburg Omen, the risk of a stock market crash right now is high.

Should we pay any attention to this indicator?

"Yes" is the answer from quite a few of the investment newsletters I monitor. Indeed, in recent days so many advisers have referred to the warnings that the indicator is emitting that investing blogs are all abuzz.

And, naturally, more than a few of you emailed me to ask that I devote a column to it.

Let me start by reviewing the Hindenburg Omen. The core idea behind it is that it's bearish whenever there are a large number of both new 52-weeks highs and new 52-week lows on the New York Stock Exchange... click to read on.

Bottom line, proponents of the indicator think our portfolios are about to crash and burn.

Oh, the humanity.

First day of work

Hey, guys, thanks for the luck! It seems to have stuck. Either this is a great place to work or they buy their Kool-aid in industrial drums, because everyone I met is insanely happy to be there. This position could prove to be a Very Good Thing.

:)

New beginnings

Well, tomorrow is my first day on the new job. I won't be blogging about it much, because it's just too easy to get yourself fired that way. But I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Wish me luck!
:)

A question of ethics

A few weeks ago the New York Times sent me an e-mail notice along with my online newsletter, informing me of "an exciting new opportunity."  The "opportunity" turned out to be a chance to pay for access to its previously free op-ed columns. Needless to say, I was underwhelmed by my good fortune.

My budget being what it is, I didn't sign up for a Select account and so, reluctantly, I gave up reading the editorials. However, some readers are more ... well, let's say resourceful: Web Users Try to Navigate Around TimesSelect. They're seeking out bloggers who are posting entire Times columns, making them available on their own sites for free.

Which brings me to the question: We all know posting copyrighted material is wrong. But do you think it is wrong to read content like this, if somebody else has put it up?

Update:

PS: Didn't mean to accuse or offend, certainly! Apologies if it seemed that way. Maybe I should have worded this better.

We're not talking here about the garden-variety posting of interesting clippings, pics, quotes or poems. The blogs in question seem to be using the Times' subscription-only columns to attract people to their own sites to read them.

I'm just curious about how others view the fact that people are actively looking for blogs that are doing that.

;-)

Weekend assignment: sci-fi!

John Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #81: Share one of your favorite science fiction movies. Note that this doesn't have to be the "best" science fiction film ever, or the most popular, or the most significant; it doesn't even have to be a good science fiction film. It just should be a science fiction film you enjoy watching over and over again -- the kind that always sucks you into the couch whenever it's on TV.


And I say: No question, absolutely, hands-down, it's Stanley Kubrick's '2001: A Space Odyssey'.

I saw it in the theater in 1968 when it was the must-see, lines-around-the-block event. It was the first time I had ever seen science fiction that didn't involve a giant rubber lizard, and it blew me away. The grandeur of it, the wonder, the mystery ... and oh man, that amazing soundtrack.

I was in high school at the time, and my whole gang saw it together. Then we spent half the night debating its meaning and pondering the nature of the universe, as kids were wont to do in the Sixties. Good times, fond memories.

Extra credit is "Coolest character"? Hal: pure, ice-cold malevolence.

Save America, win $100,000

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Have an idea on how to preserve the American dream? It could be worth $100,000.

A contest sponsored by the Service Employees International Union is looking for ideas that will help the economy grow, encourage existing companies to expand and create well-paying jobs. The winning idea will be worth $100,000 and two runners-up will claim a second prize of $50,000 each.

Check out the rules on the Web at SinceSlicedBread.com:

"We're looking for fresh, new ideas for a better America. Do you have a common-sense idea that will improve the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? Or an opinion on how working families can succeed in the new global economy?

"You have until December 5, 2005, to submit your idea and to weigh in. A panel of judges will select the top 21 ideas. All of America will be able to vote on the finalists, and on February 1, one person will win $100,000—runners up receive $50,000 each.

"Ordinary Americans can help determine the future, so join this important national conversation right now. More."

Good luck!

 

Taking it to the bank

There's a new game in town. The banks around here are advertising some fairly attractive CD rates -- 4% or better for periods of 12 months and less. But to get one, you have to open a new checking account. That's mentioned in teeny tiny print at the bottom of the ad, the part you literally need a magnifying glass to read. Seeing as how I don't want three or four checking accounts, I'm out of luck.

Is it me, or are these guys going out of their way these days to be difficult and deceptive?

I recently moved all my uncommitted cash into a local savings account at 4%, which I figured was an introductory rate. Now, I should have packed up my checkbook and run when the bank rep didn't seem to know what an "introductory rate" was. She seemed confident, though, that the rate would remain the same for "a while" and, with rates rising, I figured I'd be OK for six months or so. Well, try six weeks. In this month's statement, the APY had dropped considerably, with the new rate taking effect last month. And to make things even more insulting, the statement gave only the "APY earned to date" which would, of course, average in the higher original earnings. No clue as to the current rate.

There seemed to be no way to get a phone call through to a live human at the bank, so I stopped by to find out what the new rate was on the account. The teller handed me a list of rates that didn't include the kind of account I had. When I insisted she look up the "Maximum Money Market Savings" she quoted me the APY. I wanted the rate. So I had to walk her through the difference before she could figure out what to tell me. It's 3.78 now. Still pretty good, but there are better choices elsewhere.

So what have they gained, these banks? Here I am, a ready and willing customer who prefers to keep her accounts at local institutions. And I'm pissed at all of them.

I will never do business again with the one above because I feel ripped-off and the customer service just sucks. I will not open checking accounts all over town, either, so those other banks won't be seeing me anytime soon.

Instead, I'll keep the same checking account I've had for 15 years and link it to Emigrant Direct : American Dream Savings Account. And for CDs, there's always  BankRate.com and my broker, TD Waterhouse.

So. Neener.

Grave matters

It's that time of year again. The dark and somber part, where we look Death in the face, dress him up in a spangled tutu and feed him candy. Gotta love it.

What do you want on your tombstone?

To try one on for size, click here: Tombstone Generator.

Son of Duck Joke

Wow. No flame mail over the original Duck Joke? Maybe I can get away with this one, too...

A duck goes into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool and says, "Got any duck food?"

The bartender says, "Of course not. This is a bar, not a feed store. Get lost." So the duck hops down and waddles out.

Next day, he's back: "Got any duck food?"
"No! Get out!"
Duck hops down and waddles out.

This goes on for a week. Finally, the bartender has had it.
"Got any duck food?"
"NO! And the next time you ask, I'm gonna nail your bill to the bar!"

Next day, incredibly, the duck is back: "Got any nails?"
"No."
"Great. Got any duck food?"

Good dog

The new neighbors have a dog that barks. Not all the time, but enough to remind you it's there. I like it; it sounds like Lassie:

"Roof! Roof!"
What's that you say, girl? Is something wrong?
"Roof! ::whine whine::"
What is it, girl? Rogue squirrels? Jehova's Witnesses? That creepy Dwayne kid playing with matches?
"Roof! Roof Roof Roof! ::whine::"
I think she wants us to follow her...

Sorry, girl, that's not in the cards. But it's nice to know you're out there keeping an eye on things.

Simply extraordinary

Music I'm Listening To: The washing machine.

Yes, the washing machine. With clean water in it, and my family's clothing, and sheets that will go on familiar beds in dry, bright rooms. Soon there will be soft, fragrant towels for bathing, and warm afghans for curling up in front of the TV or for settling in with perfect, beautiful books.

There is food in the fridge, and the tall oaks still stand in the yard. 

I will start a new job soon, too: a perfectly ordinary job, with average pay, good benefits and a short commute.

I look at the news, and I give thanks.

Nice guys really do finish last

This explains so much:

Functional Psychopaths Make the Best Investors
"Sept. 19 (Bloomberg) -- `Functional psychopaths' make the best investment decisions because they can't experience emotions such as fear, a study by researchers at Stanford Graduate School of Business showed.

"Fear stops people from taking even logical risks, meaning those who have suffered damage to areas of the brain affecting emotions, and can suppress feeling, make better decisions, the report showed. The ability to control emotion helps performance in business and the financial markets, the researchers found."


The study does note that psychos have social problems. (Duh.) But they end up richer than the rest of us, so what the hell. There's a lesson in there somewhere.

How to tell if you're speeding ...

When all else fails, tell the truth

Oh for Pete's sake. With a videotape record of his stupifyingly inappropriate comments circulating around the entire globe, Pat Robertson actually tried to weasel his way out of  trouble by claiming we didn't actually hear what we heard? I heard this:


"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don't think any oil shipments will stop. ...

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." -- AOL News - Robertson Apologizes for Chavez Comments

And the best argument he can come up with is that "take him out" could mean "a number of things, including kidnapping." Riiiiight.

Yeah, yeah, he did eventually apologize. And I'm sure he's sincerely sorry he said it out loud, since it caused so much bad PR for his vast and lucrative empire. But I'm also willing to bet he still means every word.

I know it's incredibly naive, but somehow I still expect better of "holy men."

"What would Jesus do?"

Well, if he were on Pat Robertson's team he'd slip into a ninja suit, strap on an assault rifle, and go whack the president of Venezuela. 

It's been quite a while since I did time in Sunday School, but I seem to recall one of the Ten Big Rules used to be "Thou shalt not kill." And I believe there was something about loving your enemies.

Did I miss a memo?

Packrat papers: Backsliding bigtime

Hopeless. I am hopeless.

There I was, minding my own business, strolling into the library to return the latest load o' books and WHAM. I'm face to face with the Bag Day finale of the Friends of the Library book sale. The counter lady locked eyes with me and smiled a beguiling smile. She slowly slid me a lovely, big, clean paper bag. She purred: "Fill it up for just a dollar. Anything you can fit in there, the whole bagful is a dollar. You can have as many bags as you want."

I felt my pupils dilate and my brain disengage, and I watched my quivering hands reach for the bag. A small line of drool dribbled from the corner of my mouth. That's the last thing I remember before coming to at home with my arms aching from the weight.

So. Now I have more books. I don't even remember what I bought. Want to watch over my shoulder as I unload the loot? OK, then, here we go ...

The one on the top is Mundome, by A.G. Mojtabai. "A story of schizophrenia, at once haunting and horrifying ... a stunning short novel." Well, that looks good.

The Turtle Warrior, by Mary Relindes Ellis. I've heard that's a good one, too.

Late Bloomer, Melissa Pritchard. OK, this looks whacky enough to be a fun beach read.

Spotted in France, Gregory Edmont. This thing is about a guy traveling around France on a Vespa with a dog. What was I thinking?

Whad'ya Know, by Michael Feldman. I like the show. Could be amusing.

Everyone Is Entitled to My Opinion, David Brinkley. Promising. He's one of my faves.

God's Banker, Rupert Cornwell. This is a nonfiction account of a particularly colorful banking scandal that involved the Vatican's finances, mentioned in The DaVinci Code. I'll need to be in nerd mode to read this one, but it could happen.

The Pigeon Project, Irving Wallace. I like Irving Wallace. "What would happen if every human being presently on earth could live to the age of 150 -- or more?" Good question.

In the Words of Great Business Leaders, Julie M. Fenster. Good addition to my reference shelf. You never know when you'll need a good business quote.

Protect and Defend, Richard North Patterson. Amy Tan says it's "an important novel on passion and politics." What's not to love about passion and politics?

Points of Light, Linda Gray Sexton. Oops. Chick lit? We'll see.

Making Picture Books, A Method of Learning Graphic Sequence, Stephen F. Gordon. Because I harbor a secret desire to write children's picture books. And I wish I could draw. This was a dumb one.

The bag is now, mercifully, empty. Wish I could say the same for the floor space around my bookshelves.

Hmmm.

Have you seen the TV ads for a new version of Jim Cramer's cable show, Mad Money? They haul him out of a padded cell in a straight jacket and promise he'll be appearing soon on NBC to help you pick stocks.

The guy is smart and popular, and may be OK as a stock picker, but is this really the image of a guy you want to trust with your money?

I'm just sayin'.

Game over

I suppose everyone's heard by now that the game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas has been re-rated for Adults Only and has been pulled from some major distributors' shelves. It strikes me as ironic that murder, mayhem, gangs and drugs are OK in a game, but S-E-X knocks it into "Adult" territory. At any rate, good riddance.

An excellent argument can be made that if adults consider playing Grand Theft Auto to be a worthwhile use of their time, well, so be it. To each his own. (However, I do wish these adults came with prominent warning stickers, so the rest of us could steer clear.)

The problem is, we have to depend on these same people to keep the game away from children. From conversations I hear among my kids' friends, children as young as seven are playing this thing, often alongside their parents.

It is too much to expect restraint from any branch of the entertainment industry; after all, they make wads of money selling sex, shock and violence. But maybe they'd think of something better if we adults would just quit buying it.

Would you like to play a game?

I found this on the Web today and I'm already addicted: Chaos Theory. You just choose a contact spot, start things in motion and wait to see what happens. Kind of like bowling, but without the yucky shoes. (To begin, just move the cursor over the Asian writing until you hit a hot spot and click. It probably says something like "Start.")

When you've mastered that one, move on up to Planarity.

What can I say. I'm easily amused.